Friday, March 21, 2008

A Need for Change

Another English post (well, most of my friends are not Filipinos, so there~)

Lately I've been so toxic at work, that I even cried at the ladies' restroom, and locked myself in a handicapped cubicle. Sounds crazy, but true.

It's horrible enough to know that you won't make it through, no matter how smart you are, or how you look good infront of an entire hundreds of people that's beaming on you, looking up to you all this time...

But I know I'm no fake. I am who I am. No matter how hard I tried, I know some are still saying bad stuff at my back. So I stopped trying, and started DOING something that would benefit other causes. Yes, it's like I'm on a mission. Like a charity work, but this time, no more smiles and those little decorations in a room. This time, just one deep breath should do it.

Perhaps you would say, 'girl you're crazy.' But hey, I'm no rockstar or popstar or any kind of celestial beings up there in the sky. I'm just an ordinary girl trying to make a living. Perhaps passion is also the key in staying in this kind of job. It's also sad that most of them see me as an idol or something. Scratch that, they thought I can do EVERYTHING. Hah! If that happens, I am now a self-proclaimed millionaire.

I stopped for a moment as if the world suddenly stopped for me. And here I was putting almost everything before me, when I thought I was doing everything it for myself, I end up neglecting my own needs and wants.

I don't know, I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me

My friend told me "that's pure & classic stress." T_T
Friends can sometimes hurt you bad, but they tell the facts.

I just got back from Cainta (my parents' house) and had a one-on-one with my Mom last night. She confronted me on my live-in with my Bebs, so she wanted to arrange my marriage soon (yes, she doesn't like live-ins). She disagreed on the civil marriage, so we're heading straight to church. It was nice because my sisters were also excited, and they knew I'm tight on budget, so they agreed to be my 'wedding planners.' Katherine Heigl anyone? XD~

My Mom however, had strict conditions. She wanted to have my wedding in Cainta (>_<) and have the reception in a restaurant to lessen workload on my family (that I'd agree to). She also wanted to meet Lee's parents by November. So, I guess I have a wedding date by 2009 then. ~.~

What touched my heart is that my Dad's talk about the situation:

if you really love him, who's going to stop you?

I didn't knew my Dad can be poetic and romantic. He even offered to pay for my wedding, and I politely refused. Not that I mind, but I'm not used anymore to get money from my parents. I made that clear before during my college graduation. Perhaps it's that I wanted to grow up fast before, but hell, it made me still feel I'm Daddy's little girl. And yeah, I cried over his talk with me. I'm such a cornball. ~.~

I have less than a year to prepare. So I'm going back to my long list of tasks and shops now. Goodluck to me! ^_^